that- kind-of-love

I often get asked how old I was when I met Steve.  I take joy in telling people our little story not to gloat but because I’m proud we still have got it going on ?.

You can see it in other couples, some who met later in life, some who had to have a journey to find the one, but it’s a special kind of love.

I was 14 and yes Steve was just 16.  Almost 24 years on and we still have that thing, that sparkle.

Some days/weeks it’s well hidden.  Some days I actually realise I haven’t looked him in the eye or actually had a decent conversation for a week.  Oh yes we have a regular if not daily spat over the craziest of things.  More often than not of late it’s over his arse ? (I think the man has IBS and lets say needs some meds to calm that end down a little ????).

But they are on a whole silly things.  Money is our other little ‘worry spot’ that can turn the conversation a little tense.  Neither of us are to blame as we both work very hard, but we never seem to have enough to make a difference.

But I love the bones of him.  I still want to go out for drinks, meals, plan days out and generally be with him.

Dad retired a couple of months ago and Mom and Dad are spending every day together.  After 45 years you can see that special love, that bond, not perfect, but that little team complimenting each other.  Holding hands, sharing a laugh, singing a song, Mom rubbing my Dad’s bad knee ? (I did say knee?).

You see I think you all have your rough times if your honest, and you really do.  I remember begging Steve to not go to work, as I couldn’t face another day with 4 kids of 3 and under.  Then resenting him for going and for what I believed was escaping from it all, for having a life outside our 4 walls.

Emotions can build up.  You get into a cycle of tiredness, almost at times shutting down and not communicating.  Then that ‘thing’  that ‘spark’ can lift things, change your mindset, remind you that this other person you share your life with is kind of amazing.

It’s like a form of trust, comfort and a bit of sparkle.  You’re lucky if you have this combination because it’s strong, it’s a force to be reckoned with.

I can now see it in Jack and Millie and I’m excited for them, as I know it will bring wonderful things. Some days it will feel broken and some day’s will be tough.  However,  as long as you are prepared to work at it, there is very little that can take away that ‘thing’ I speak of, that bit of magic some couples have.

I’m sure for some couples being lets say ‘together’ isn’t crucial in their relationship.  However, I think it’s a very important part of being a couple, it’s something only you two share.  Over the years after having 5 babies it hasn’t always been my priority ? but it hasn’t taken long to resume.

Being close and generally having a good time together is nothing to be ashamed or embarrassed about.  It’s healthy and very normal, often problems occur when we don’t communicate about how we feel.  It’s normal to go through phases of fancying a family size chocolate bar instead of a rushed half an hour in the sack ?.

After 6 month’s of choosing this option it may be time for a chat, but hey that’s ok.  I would be lying if I said every day I look into Steve’s eyes and dream about ripping his clothes off.  Lets face it, 24 years, 15 years, even 7 years you change, they change , your life changes.  We had 4 kids in just over 2 years, our life definitely changed.  The hours and days at times were long and very hard, physically and mentally but it can be done.

Accepting that relationships can change and go through phases is all very normal.  Lust isn’t always there and doesn’t have to be.  Some days simply saying a few words to each other or sitting on the sofa together is enough. Some months, some weeks are better than others and that’s ok too.

I know we can get through pretty much anything life throws at us and we have done.  We will continue to do so too, it won’t always be easy and it won’t always be pretty.

If your searching for the ‘one’, I hope he/she is out there, because it’s true when you do find them you will know ?~

That Kind Of Love


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