Marrying your childhood sweetheart, may sound like a vision of dreams, and the majority of times without the children it is, however how you change over the years is very different,
me as a 14-year-old is very different to the 37-year-old I am now, and I recognise how different Steve is, I said before in my previous blog just how un-alike as people we both are, and as we have aged this has become more evident, he likes action movies and his music taste is more varied to mine, I’m obsessed with all things girly and flowery, and my playlist is filled with romantic ballets, he hates a deep conversation and would rather show his love in the bedroom ?? where I would rather eat a chocolate bar and paint a jar ?
(Is that just women ?)
he has become much more confident than me over the years, at a party he would be at the front of the dance floor, waving his hands around like he just doesn’t care, where I struggle to let go, not sure how you ever do this, is it because I’m a size 18 and struggle to feel confident in my own skin ? or is it because that’s just not me, I’ve never liked the idea of an all night party, I’m more confident in smaller groups with people I know, where I think Steve would deffo last on an all nighter ?
infact I’ve learned just how little sleep that man needs, bed for me is a very regimented procedure, ear plugs ?? since I’ve been married ,the poor chap doesn’t even snore, sleep in a certain position, nightie, special pillow a vision of sexiness ? all he needs is a pillow, in fact I don’t even think he needs that,
some say I’m the boss ?? pretty true, I tend to make the million life decisions, something I don’t always want to be in charge of, but it seems to be how we work, I feel the pressure so much when booking a holiday for example, as I literally do everything and end up with some random infection due to a deleted immune system after buggering myself up for the weeks prior, but he’s by no means lazy, I’m sure he does much more than most men,
he’s in charge of the dishwasher, and I don’t touch the recycling, and the dog poo, he will load the washer daily,
and have his weekly very annoying “this house needs cleaning” dramas, we both have slipped into our many roles over the years quite naturally, and although we spat often, we’ve never had a separation in those 23 years, not a night apart on bad terms,
when you meet so young you have no real plan I don’t think to how things will work out, some days I’m not partially keen on him ? I’m sure he feels the same, the children put a strain on everything you both stand for, his hot temper clashes so often with theirs, people are often surprised to hear I’m the calm one, I never imagined this would be the case, but I feel overwhelmed when they all kick off and want to hide from it, Steve’s a typical “scorpion” and his sting can be fatal ?
We recently had a spa weekend away, it had been some years since we had some time together alone, no children to exhaust us, just me and the man I met all those years ago, his flattery of me always makes me feel so special, 5 children and a pregnancy with a crazy 17lb load did very unkind things to my body, and I feel ashamed of it, I recognise I shouldn’t feel this way, but acceptance for how it is I’ve never coped well with, but the man adores me and there is no better flattery than being made to feel like a sexy princess, ?
What Steve doesn’t like to do is talk, and sometimes I really don’t think he listens, our monthly row seems to be me saying “do you actually care ” and I’m more than sure he does, but instead of the romantic listener I dream off I find him checking sky sports ? I’m sure he needs to get wise, and nod and just listen for an hour give me a chocolate bar and a bunch of flowers, his life would then be much easier,
so the secrets of a successful marriage ?
well we’re both honest, he tells me to get off his case, I tell him to calm down, we are honest in the fact it’s good to have a row, there is no bloody perfect,
take time out, when we feel (when I feel distant) it’s normally because I’ve not seen his funny face for a week, just an hour out for a curry and a chat, normally about the kids can make the difference,
recognise the highs and lows, some day’s evenings are just lovely, we’re proud of our beautiful children, life’s all good, other days we both don’t want to go home, we both genuinely feel like we can’t do another day as a family of 7, believe me we have those days,
accept your differences, I know he won’t watch one born every minute with me, and he knows I won’t last a film cradled in his arms ? I get it we are different, it’s ok to be different, in fact it’s probably a good thing, but don’t try to change that person, as this can lead to resentment,
don’t give up, life can get boring, and it can, the same jobs, the same routines the same person, but then I imagine my life without all I know,
I would be lost, his soft smile and sparkling eyes, his familiar touch, and kind heart I can’t imagine never not knowing/being with him, it fills me with dread, I know I would never give up on what we have, and I hope I’ve been as honest I can in saying it’s no walk in the park, as it really isn’t, but perhaps that is true love, it’s not perfect it’s not hearts and flowers it’s the strength to carry on work through those day’s of drama’s, spice up those dull days, and just appreciate your story,
in 2020 we will have been married 20 years, and we (I ?) plan to renew our vows , to a Disney themed wedding renewal, I am so excited, a singer thrashing out all the Disney classics as we eat our lunch, Disney themed tables, big posh frocks, and the pure love I know we both felt 20 years ago, I know it would have been no Disney fairytale journey because as much I would like to believe it life, our life isn’t at all like this, but I do know he is and will always be my prince, ?~